AMBIENT THOUGHT – EPISODE One Hundred Eighty: A(n) to The

The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get used to the latter.

EPISODE ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY: A(N) TO THE

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Out of a dream, out of the sky
Into my heart, into my life
And you were just a face in the crowd…
– A Face In The Crowd
Written By Tom Petty and Jeff Lynne

Also…

For whatever reasons, Ray, call it… fate, call it luck, call it karma, I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that we were destined to get thrown outta this dump.
– Peter Venkman (Bill Murray)
Ghostbusters (1984)

 

It’s funny how a song and a movie, when both thought about around the same time, brings a particular thought into your head. I didn’t need both of these pop culture juggernauts to come into my head to think of this but there you go…
And here it is…

Those people we love, those that come into our lives from somewhere else, where do they come from?

Those people that are not our blood, those people that open some unseen door and enter into our lives. Some of those stay for a short while. Then some come and stay forever. Maybe not physically forever but in our minds… and hearts.

I think about my wife. Before she moved to Tennessee, she grew up with her family in a small town in Ohio. She went to school, played in her yard, had friends, rode her bike, and lived her life, a few states away from where I was. It might as well been another universe away.
Then they come to Tennessee where she went to Page High School in Franklin. Honestly, I had never heard of Page until years later. But there she was, going to school, living her life, meeting friends, dating boys. And I was a town away living my own life.

I think about it occasionally. I wonder if we ever walked by each other in a store or in the mall or just walking down a sidewalk. I see me too lost in my own head to see my future wife walking past.
Just a face in the crowd.
She was ‘a(n)’ before she was ‘the’ to me.
A person before The wife and best friend.

And the thought scares me. To my bones.

Why?

If life is based on coincidences, she could have just slipped away and I would have never known her. The chance of our meeting would be… chance. The idea of that, that she, the woman that I love, could be just as random as the wind picking up a leaf and blowing it to a particular spot on the ground.

Or is it?

Is it all fate.
Destiny.
Was that leaf supposed to land in that particular spot just like that white feather in Forrest Gump?

And to be honest, I want it to be.

Thinking that gives me hope. Even though I may have seen her out and about many years ago, long before we ever met, we were destined to meet each other at the right time, in the right place, in the right frame of mind.
That moment of meeting for the first time was completely serendipitous.

To think that way gives life magic.
Don’t you think?

I believe we are all connected in some way or form. And some of us are destined to meet each other in this life. Maybe it’s just for a second or our complete lifetime.
And if you believe in such things, maybe we are connected to those because of past lives or that life before passing through the veil into this one.
Or… (you’re about to get your little brain blown) it’s preparing us for the life after this one. We’re meeting those people now that will be known to us then.

Is that crazy?
Maybe.

I don’t know.
And guess what?

No matter what you believe, you don’t know for sure either.

Take that, you holy rollers and you atheists.

You don’t know for sure.

To get back to it, the idea of chance meetings truly scares me. I imagine being lost in space (not the show). I’m floating around in the vastness of vacuum and I can’t find anything to grab ahold to.
To me, that coincidence.
I like to think that I will be able to find salvation from the aimless drifting and find purchase in something with substance. With that in my head, it helps me relax and stay as calm as possible.

I believe in fate.
I believe I was on a road that led me to her.
She was to become, not the a(n), but the THE.

I have caught myself thinking of this as my wife and I drive somewhere, going for a walk or just lying in bed together. We are now together and not separate, neither of us just a ‘face in the crowd’ as Tom Petty sings about. I think about all the moving parts that took place behind the scenes, the twists and turns we both made in our lives to find ourselves here at that moment.
And if it is fate… or even if it isn’t… I’m thankful.
I’m no longer floating in the endless void.
I’m no longer just walking down the street lost in my own head.

I saw that face in the crowd, her face, and she became my destiny.

 

I love you, Mindy.
You have never been or ever will be just to me.
You are all.

-Loyd Elmore Jr
June 12th, 2020

 

 

I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.

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