AMBIENT THOUGHT – EPISODE One Hundred Seventy Two: I Control The Claw From The Sky

The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get used to the latter.

EPISODE ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY TWO: I CONTROL THE CLAW FROM THE SKY

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All I can control is myself and just keep having a positive attitude.
– Rose Namajunas

 

Control.

We all want it.
We need it in our lives.
And when we feel like we have no control, it’s frustrating and makes us feel weak.

Take, for instance… driving.

I can not stand people who can not drive.

There are people who need their license taken away and given a multiple level driving tests, from a written to a four-hour test while they are behind the wheel. These people need to be re-accessed on how they handle their vehicles.
Take, for instance… people who drive too slow in the fast lane. That’s a given, right? They are waiting to turn left many miles down the road and they think they are getting in line now.
These people displease me.
How about people who don’t use their turn signals? Do you know turn signals are also called indicator lights? They don’t only tell the people they are turning but are suppose to be used when you are changing lanes. It’s true. Look it up.
People who also displease me is when they weave to and fro, people who speed up and slow down over and over, people who don’t go when the light turns green (that is called not paying attention), people who change lanes in an intersection and change lanes in a tunnel(both of these are dangerous), people who don’t turn on their lights when it’s raining, and many, many more.

Here’s one that pisses me off. I’m waiting to turn left while a car is coming toward me on my left side. Then… they turn right… and no damn turn signal. I could have continued on my way but instead, I had to wait and see how stupid and inconsiderate they are. I have yelled at them and they look at me with a ‘what did I do‘ look.

It’s frustrating.

Like a lot of people, I consider myself a good driver. Honestly, I think of myself as a great driver. I think well in advance on where I’m going and plan accordingly. I drive my car like a great surgeon, slicing through traffic with my vehicle, the sharpen scalpel.
But other people tend to screw it all up.

I imagine one of those claw machines grabbers coming down and plucking these bad drivers from the road and dispositing them… somewhere, anywhere but the road in front of me.

Wanna know why?

Control.

I want to control their driving, their car, their eyes, and mind, and make these horrible drivers drive better. I want them to pay attention, stay off their phones, stop looking out the side window at whatever and start looking out their windshield where they should be. I want them to stop rearranging crap in their vehicles because they find a moment at a red light and forget they are actually sitting in traffic and not their driveway or garage and GO when the light turns green.

But… I can’t.

I can’t control any of them. Just me.

I can only control what I’m doing and how I do it.

OK, I know some of you are probably thinking I’m probably as good a driver as they people he’s complaining about.
And I have had moments of passing my exit when I was daydreaming or turning one way when I meant to turn another. And I have one a couple of occasions sat too long at a green light and the person behind me gave a honk.
I’m guilty.

But those moments of brain fog banks have been few and far between.
I’m serious.

That’s because I control what I do and how I drive. It’s something I have always been pretty good at. One of the few things in life I think I’m pretty good at.
Because I learned to control it and I learned how to control it as well as possible.

So, what am I to do when I get frustrated with other drivers?

I have to take a deep breath. I have to realize that wherever I’m going, it will be there when I get there and it doesn’t matter if I get their a few minutes early or late. Eventually, their stupid driving will get them into trouble (hopefully it won’t be a wreck). And maybe, someone they trust and look up to (I hope they have somebody like that in their life) will see how badly they are driving or acting behind the wheel of their vehicle and point it out and these bad drivers will listen and take it to heart to be a better driver.

Maybe.

But I can’t control them.

I can only control me… and my driving… and how I act and react.
And on certain days, that’s hard enough.

I promise to work on it and keep myself under control.

And I still have hope that one day, when somebody is ticking me off, pushing my patience to the limit, a sky claw will come down and pluck them off the road and take them to… wherever.

Or maybe I should wish the claw will come to pluck me off of the road.

You know? I like that better.

Here’s to the space claw.

-Loyd Elmore Jr.
February 28th, 2020

 

I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.

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