AMBIENT THOUGHT – EPISODE One Hundred Forty Five: Saturday Evening Dreamin’…

The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get used to the latter.

EPISODE ONE HUNDRED FORTY FIVE: SATURDAY EVENING DREAMIN’…

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This blog post is directed toward teenagers and early twenty-somethings.

As you get older, you tend to miss certain things from your childhood. Getting older and responsibilities that come with life and making a living will make you think back to when things were simpler. Usually, those thoughts will dwell back to when you were young and you lived under your parent’s roof.  As I write this, I think about the bad day I had at work which made me think of some things that I loved when I was a kid. I could name things such as toys that I loved but there were situations that made me happy when I was a kid.

Let me name a few…

I miss sitting on the porch of my house and watching the world go by.
I miss sitting in one of the two trees during the Summer and pretending the tree was a spaceship or just my own house.
I miss Fall and the time around Halloween and how special it felt.
I miss going out to eat with my parents on Friday evenings after I got home from school and going to the bookstore and getting a new book to read.
And I miss Saturday evenings when my dad would go get a pizza or my mom would make breakfast for dinner and the smell of bacon or sausage or country ham hanging in the house where I would gorge myself on those and biscuits and gravy.
Every one of those moments (plus others) were and still, are magic.

And there were many other things that I miss. If you read my blog, you might have read about some of these things before. Well, those things made an impact on me, those little things that I didn’t think I would be thinking about decades later. We don’t think about those things would stay with you and how much you would give to have those feelings again. I wish I had taken a bit more time to inhale those moments and breathe them in, to let them fill me up, and maybe bring more of those memories with me into the future.

Speaking of biscuits and gravy, I miss the way my mom made them. For me, that is the number one feel-good food that I think of. It’s simple to make. Well, it’s simple for others to make. I have tried to make gravy like my mom did and every time I have tried, I have failed miserably. I’ve come close, so very close, but it has never teleported me back to that time. Even willing it doesn’t help.

I guess what I want to say after telling you all of that is if you are young and still living at home (and I pray to GOD you have a good home life), you need to take it all in. You need to absorb every little thing you like or love about your life. Nothing should be taken for granted if it makes you smile. It doesn’t matter how small you might think it is, it should not be taken for granted. Just the smell of bacon or country ham frying brings me the memories of Saturday evenings where it’s warm enough, fireflies are lighting about or Saturday evenings that should be sunny but is dark due to cloudy skies because of storms or Saturday evenings that are dark because it’s Fall or Winter and leaves are blowing about or snow is falling down. Those smells bring it all back.

You must remember those moments when present days get you down and you need some good thoughts, thoughts that warm your heart and make you glad you were alive to experience them. Trust me, you’re going to need them from time to time.

And, my dear ones, maybe one day you’ll have little ones of your own. And they will get to the age when things feel magical. It might be certain times of the year or a book or how you did this or did that for them. Maybe you’ll make them breakfast for dinner and the smell of it will warm their hearts. Those moments will (hopefully) plant a seed in them, a tree they can climb inside their minds when the day is going bad and they need the same warm thoughts you needed and will still need.

I’ve been thinking a lot about those biscuits and gravy that my mom used to make. She would pop the container for the biscuits but she always made the gravy from scratch.  I wish I had paid more attention to how she made it instead of just waiting for her to fix it and put it on the table for her mouth-drooling son. I wish I had someone to tell me to get off my butt and watch her make the stuff so I would know how when I got older and wanted to make it on my own. Of course, to have her make it would be so much better but, unfortunately, we all must leave this world and must pass on what we know or figured out so that the next generation will wonder less.
I hope there will be a moment sometime in the far future when my daughter will remember something she liked or loved that I did or something she liked or loved that involved me, even if it’s just a particular memory about a certain moment in time that she thinks about at a certain moment of time during the year. I hope I gave her some magic she can think of when a day of hers was hard and needs some comfort.

We all need those moments. And even if it’s not biscuits and white gravy, fill up those special magical moments. You are going to need them.

-Loyd Elmore Jr.
March 29th, 2019

 

I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me. 

 

 

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