AMBIENT THOUGHT – EPISODE One Hundred Forty One: There… And Back Again…

The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get used to the latter.

EPISODE ONE HUNDRED FORTY ONE: THERE… AND BACK AGAIN…

hobbit door 1

“We don’t want any adventures here! You might try over the Hill or Across the Water.” 
― J.R.R. TolkienThe Hobbit

For the following blog post, I shall only speak for myself and no other. If you feel that what I have said fits you or you share in some of the feelings I have written down, well, by all means, don’t blame me.
But, maybe, we’ll learn something together and how to get our boots dusty.

 

I have cut out a lot of television and limited myself to watching movies. I have decided I’d rather spend a LOT of time reading and writing. It has become an escape for me, better than any program on TV or film. It allows my mind to leave the confines of ‘normal’ life and enter realms of places I may never get to go or will never get to set foot into because they were created inside someone else’s mind. If it’s an interesting world, count me in.

Now, as for actually putting on some walking shoes or boots and taking a trek to get them dusty and worn, I tend to feel the pull of my trusty couch, my stand-up fan, and a blanket and snuggle up with a book or my laptop so I can read or write. Those journeys, though sometimes hard, are safer and less apt to cause you to get into any trouble. I seem very suited to sitting or lying down and letting my mind run away with me.
I find it fun.

But… (always with a scary and definitive but)

As much as reading and writing exercises my mind and gives me more insight into how people think along with myself, it’s not complete. Having your nose in pages or swiping left in an e-book gadget or putting pen to paper or typing English symbols (the language I speak) onto a computer screen is only half of the knowledge you can get.

I have to go out into the world…

There comes a moment when you need to put your bookmarker in a stopping place or hitting save in Office Word and get your ass off of the couch.

I have become a couch potato/bookworm/writer. Being a bookworm or a writer are wonderful things. When you add the ‘couch potato’ into the mix, it makes for a bad concoction. There is a lot of fat in those ingredients.

I seem to have something in my DNA left over from my ancestors that have a need to go out and explore and see new things. It calls to me when I drive past the woods or a large open field. Somethings wants me to get out of the vehicle and walk through the trees or the high grass. It tells me to go EXPLORE.
It tells me to go on an adventure.

I got to go on one in 2017 when my wife and I went on a cruise into the Caribbean. We got to visit the Bahamas, St. Thomas (with a short trip to Tortola), and my personal favorite, St. Kitts. We walked into a place where we had never been.
And that was great. I enjoyed most every minute of it, except for one.

But I want to go someplace that isn’t on a tourist map. I want to walk in a place that isn’t a regular destination. I want to stand and look around where very few have. Where is that? I’m not sure… but those places are out there. Even with the number of human lives, there have been since the human race began, there are places in this world where few have ventured. Maybe it’s in some thick rainforest or a vast desert or the whiteness of continent of Antartica. Or it could be a hundred thousand other places on this rotating, blue and green, squatty orb we call home.

As much as I have tried to stay away from watching movies and TV, I do occasionally want to go back and watch things that I enjoy. Recently, it’s been The Lord of the Ring and The Hobbit movies. I enjoy their adventure and I feel like I’m living through Bilbo and Frodo. OK, maybe not Frodo. He’s adventure SUCKED. More like Samwise. Yeah, Samwise. They left home on an adventure, dealt with near-death experiences, and made some friends along the way. They even found some knowledge of how their world worked. They got out of the Shire and saw what lie out there.
But it wouldn’t have been much of an adventure if they just stayed in their Hobbit hole and blew smoke rings wondering if it was time for second breakfast.

No. I think we need to go when we’re called. We need to put the book down, set the pen down, or shut off the computer and go take a walk. We need adventures that don’t just lie in our imaginations. We must use the senses we have and take in everything. We must all live in this world. And to do that, we must act like we are ALIVE!!!

But, I guess, sometimes somebody might have to put a mark on our door and invite dwarfs in to get our butt moving.
hobbit door 2

As for that one moment I didn’t enjoy our trip. It wasn’t the movement of the ocean (we bearly felt it) or some bad food (most of it was great). No. I had… a moment.
My wife and I were sitting in a restaurant that was a huge buffet. Great food and it was free. When you find ‘free’, it’s very helpful on a trip. So, we get our food and grab a table and partake. A funny thing I noticed about the restaurant (it’s called The Windjammer), the music they pipe in on their ceiling speakers are more or less melancholy. Every song reminded me of home, our pets, and our kids. I was able to keep it pushed away most of the time except for one. I was sitting there, eating, looking out at over the ocean toward home and I started to lose it. Tears started to stream down my face. And I couldn’t stop. It had me in a grip and wouldn’t let go. We finished as soon as we could and left before I made a scene. I think we found our way to the rail of the ship and away from others so I could get a hold of myself.
It was obvious.
I was homesick.
As much as I loved being there with my wife and seeing a part of the world I had only dreamed about, I missed my home and the love that was there, the security of it.

That’s the thing about wanting to go on an adventure, there comes a time you need to go home. If you didn’t go home, the adventure would just be…aimless. You need to leave and then come home.

I’ve been home for a while now. I have found my adventures are more in the paper form while I’m sitting.
But my legs are starting to bounce up and down as if subconsciously they are trying to tell me to get up and go outside and go for a walk. And my mind is starting to wander.

It may be time to go on another adventure.

I may go put a mark on my door and wait for the dwarves and Gandalf to show up.
Or I may go on without them…

-Loyd Elmore Jr.
February 22nd, 2019

 

I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me. 

One thought on “AMBIENT THOUGHT – EPISODE One Hundred Forty One: There… And Back Again…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s