The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get used to the latter.
EPISODE ONE HUNDRED TWENTY NINE: Fingers Crossed…
You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you’d realize
There ain’t no way to hide your lyin eyes
– The Eagles
Before you read this I want to give you all a chance to think about something. If you have never lied in your life, you can skip this post. I’ll give you a minute to think about it…
So, you’re still here. I thought so.
Let me tell you about one particular situation where I lied my butt off and got away with it. At least, I assumed I got away with it.
I was in elementary school called Bellwood Elementary. I don’t remember what grade I was in but I’m thinking it was the third or fourth grade. And I believe it was a Friday.
Well, I brought a pair of my sister’s sunglasses and wore them in. Before class started, I went up to the teacher and told her that I had an accident with my telescope where I had looked at the sun with it and it damaged one of my eyes. I also told her that my mom took me to the eye doctor and told me to wear these sunglasses for a few days. And she believed me, I assume. Or she was just humoring me.
Anyway, I went through the whole day wearing those sunglasses. Kids would ask me why I was wearing them or told me I was going to get into trouble. I would explain over and over my story. Some of them would believe me, some didn’t, some were jealous. But I went through all day wearing them, class after class.
And when I went to the bus that afternoon, I finally sprung the trick on some of my friends, that I had lied so I could wear the sunglasses all day. They asked me why and I told them I just wanted to do it.
Here’s my mistake. I should have left them on during the bus ride and not told a soul. Then I wouldn’t have worried all weekend that somebody would snitch on me the following Monday.
We all lie. We started lying when we when were young when we didn’t want to get into trouble for something we did. Let me tell you, George Washington might have told the truth about chopping down that cherry tree but I bet he told the truth after getting punished for the dozens of time before that. And when he got bored with telling the truth, I bet he thought it was OK to lie again. Father of our country, sure. Perfect, nope.
But who is?
As we know, lying is not good. Even those ‘white lies’ we tell others and ourselves are not good. But we use them to our advantage. We tell lies to avoid something painful in the ‘good’ ways or we use lies because we are having moments of selfishness or greed. Those are considered ‘black lies’.
In the past few years, lies have become dangerous and explosive for me. It’s better to keep all lies, even if they are to be used to save an uncomfortable situation from happening. I have tried to ban all lies from my life.
I did say I try…
When something needs to be said and it might be a touchy subject, lying will come to mind. Lying may band-aid something that really needs to be stitched up. Telling the truth may be painful at first but it will heal naturally and you won’t have to worry about it bleeding again. Time will come that another lie will be needed for the wound when it could have healed already.
I’ll give you an example…
Let’s say your spouse makes a certain dinner that you don’t like. Instead of telling them that you don’t care for that particular meal, you say you like it. Then, a week later, your spouse makes it again. And before you know it, it is on the normal rotation of meals. And every time it comes around, you dread it and it takes all your strength to swallow it down.
What you should have done was been honest about it. Not in a harsh way but gently. Say how much you love their cooking but this one is something you don’t find very appealing. It might hurt their feelings but they’ll understand. Then you won’t get it anymore.
And while I’m saying this, let me add this might have come up in my household and I spoke up.
Also, maybe you should get your butt off the couch and cook, too. Right?
To be honest, lying does no one any good. It doesn’t save face with anyone or any situation. It’s just how heavy or gentle you tell the truth.
But, we’re human. Telling lies are built in. Sometimes we tell lies when, no matter what the situation is or how it will eventually come out, we don’t care. There are a few people in my life, I’m sorry to say, it doesn’t matter what they think of me and a lie or two (or a few) has been told to them by me. And I didn’t bat an eye. Or rolling a tear.
Does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so. Maybe the truth isn’t needed for some. That might make me a hypocrite.
Those that matter to me will get the better version of me. Those that do me no harm will get the better version of me. Those that I care about will always get the better version of me.
I use to say lying comes from fear. Let me change that. Lying comes from fear or indifference. There may be some people who don’t deserve the truth.
And to go back to the sunglasses situation of my youth, nobody squealed on me. Either they kept my secret or just didn’t care.
I still didn’t enjoy that weekend. I worried about it the entire time. And that fear didn’t go away until the end of the school year. It was always there in the back of my mind as a monster in the dark.
Lying isn’t good. And the truth can be difficult.
October 19th, 2018
I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.