The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get used to the latter.
EPISODE ONE HUNDRED TEN: USING THE ‘FORCE’!!!
Are you a Star Wars fan?
Oh, boy. I am. I was there 1977 seeing the first one. I wasn’t that old but I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember being in my dad’s truck leaving the theater after seeing it and sticking my head out the window and looking at the night sky. Stars were everywhere and I imagined that maybe Luke, Han, Chewie and the rest were up there somewhere. I looked really hard, hoping I could see an X-Wing or the Millennium Falcon flying. I wanted that so badly.
Watching Star Wars dug up something in me that I didn’t know was there. I discovered a love of science fiction and magic and it gave me more of an idea that something bigger than us might exist.
The Force. I thought about it for weeks after. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wanted to be Han and have Chewie as a best friend and fly the Falcon. But I wanted the force. I wanted to move things with my mind and have a power that would allow me to be at one with everything else and use it to help me.
As I got older, I come to think of the details of ‘the force’ and I wanted to be a Jedi more than I wanted to be a smuggler. I wanted to be able to find peace and open myself up to what was ‘out there’. As much as I have a belief in God, though I don’t really follow a particular religion, the Jedi ways spoke to me. I wanted to weld a power that made me powerful and the knowledge of it would keep me calm in moments of stress and anxiety.
There are things about the Jedi that don’t jell with some of my ideas. Jedi’s aren’t supposed to fall in love. That’s something I can’t live without. Jedi’s do not believe in vengeance and harmful thoughts on others. Have you ever watched TV and hear about some sick individual hurting a child, maybe taking their innocence? Well, I’m guilty of the thoughts that most people have, that they want that person to meet some horrible fate. And I suppose I’ll always be one of those people.
The day I found out there is a version of Jedi’s that is Grey. Grey Jedi’s. They walk the line between Sith and pure Jedi. They believe in what most Jedi’s do but they believe in love and passion and they believe in vengeance. That is something I can get behind if people like it or not.
I know how that sounds. Some may think that might be a little extreme. Maybe. I would prefer to turn the other cheek. I hate confrontations. I hate arguments. I hate rattling cages. The idea of these ties my stomach up in knots. I never like getting in trouble. I always did my homework and I always did my chores. I never waited to do something I had to, I got it out of the way so I didn’t have to worry about it later. I’m still that way.
But…if I find myself having to stand up and defend, myself or somebody else, if I have to stand up and speak my mind and try and right a wrong, if I have to find a problem and erase it, then I will. Especially when I feel I’m doing the correct thing.
I always wondered why George Lucas called it ‘the force’. It seems a bit aggressive for such a peaceful space religion. Usually, forcing things is never a good idea. Most people tend to push back when they are feeling forced.
The only time when force is excepted or wanted is when we force ourselves into doing something.
“I had to force myself out of bed this morning.”
“I had to force myself to drive by Starbucks instead of stopping.”
“I had to force myself into going to the gym.”
“I had to force myself into not eating another slice of pizza. It was so good.”
Those are examples of using ‘the force’ for good. You have to force yourself sometimes to do the things that you need to do. Why we have to force ourselves, speaking for me, it’s because I find myself wanting to be lazy. I want to just sit on the couch. I just want to be a bystander. Another reason why a need is more important than a want.
Thinking back to what I said about how we push back when other people try to force you, I may have been a little bit hasty. When we were small, our parents used ‘the force’ on you. From trying to get you to eat the Lima beans or going to bed. What we don’t realize until we get older, good parents force things on us that we should do. It helps us develop good practices. My parents ‘forced’ me to come home and do homework before I went out and played or watched TV. They didn’t have to force me too much but I hated getting into trouble and I hated disappointing them.
Using ‘the force’ is a good thing if done for the right reasons. Maybe if we forced ourselves to do the things we should (yes, I’m talking to myself, too), then it can become something where less force is used. It becomes natural and something we just automatically do.
Another thing about using ‘the force’, never force yourself on other people. When you do, they might start to resent you and force you back. The force works both ways, young padawan. Be peaceful, let those you want to be around just that and let them decide. There will be a lot less forceful force.
As for me, I go from one side of the force to the other. Part of me likes to commune with nature and walk with peace. The other side is me driving in my car and wanted to use the force the make the slow driver in front of me fly off the road and into a tree where they can’t bother anyone. Or make a neighbor fly off his front steps and into the sky to never be seen again.
Got to get a hold of myself.
I got to use the force… and let it clam my actions.
Let it claim yours, too. May the force…..you know the rest.
-Loyd Elmore Jr
May 25th, 2018
I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.