AMBIENT THOUGHT – EPISODE Ninety Three: Keeping Secrets

The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get used to the latter. 

EPISODE NINETY THREE:  Keeping Secrets

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Keeping secrets are always looked down on. That’s because secrets can be very dangerous. If not dangerous, then very embarrassing.

Keeping secrets from your family, your spouse, your children, your loved ones, can get you into a large mess that might be very difficult to get out of.

But those secrets aren’t the ones that I want to talk about.

Some secrets are good.

What???

Of course. There are some secrets that are good to have. They are something special that we keep for ourselves.
Let me give you an example…

You’re walking in the woods. It’s just a walk you take to help clear your mind and to have some time to yourself. Life can be overwhelming and we have to take time for ourselves, even away from our loved one.
So, you’re walking. Maybe there is a chill in the air because it’s Winter. You’re thinking about when you get home, you’re going to make some coffee and enjoy it in your favorite chair or reading the paper at the dining room table. And there, just a few yards away is a deer. Buck or doe or fawn. It doesn’t matter. It’s there. Right there.
You stop and look at it. You expect it to take off at any second…but it doesn’t. It just stands there looking back at you. It’s ears turning this way and that.
You take a step. It doesn’t move. You take another.
Then it takes a few tentative steps forward. Before you know it, it’s right in front of you. Not more than a few feet away.
You can’t believe it. It hasn’t bolted and it hasn’t decided to kick you in the face with its front hooves.  Or another deer, a much bigger deer, hasn’t decided to run you through with its antlers to protect its kin.
One more step forward, it raises its head and…you’re touching it. You’re touching a wild deer. A couple of strokes to the head and the deer decides that’s all you get. It walks back a step, turns, walks a few feet and takes off into the woods.
You stand there, amazed. Did that just happen?

Heading home and you decide that you’re going to keep that to yourself. You want that moment to be between you and the deer. Maybe even God, if you believe. Regardless, it’s a secret for you and for you alone.

Like having some time to ourselves. I believe it’s important to have a few innocent secrets of our own to think about when you feel like you’re being closed in on when you feel like you don’t have anything to yourself. I don’t believe it’s an insult to anybody you love and confide in if you do this.

We’re lucky to find somebody special that we want to spend the rest of our lives with and we want to share our lives, our thoughts and feelings, our hearts, and our loves and passions. And we want to share everything with them. I’m lucky enough to have found somebody in my life that I feel that way about.

But… there is nothing wrong with keeping a few things to yourself that’s just for you. Even though you share your life with somebody you consider your soul mate, you are still yourself. You are your own person with your own personal thoughts and feelings. You have been with you since the day you were born. And I believe you need to treat yourself as special. When we take some time with ourselves, we might read a book or go for a drive or maybe go buy yourself an ice cream cone. Why not keep a cool secret?

Of course, that’s not to say you can’t ever tell your special secrets someday. Maybe there will be a day when your secret might be a key to help somebody or just to cheer somebody up. Then there is nothing wrong with letting it go. But for a while, it can be yours. It can be like a talisman that we keep inside and hold and to keep our souls warm from the coldness that can come with living in this world.

I have a few. Actually, I have very few but there are some I have locked away that I let out to hold in my mind and think about when I’m feeling exceptionally low and not around people that care about me. If I was to spill them here, most of you would think of them as simple or nonsense, but to me, they are little treasures that are worth more than the world. Most are things I see that maybe nobody else did. Just things that make me feel closer to the Universe.
There are a lot of people that need to feel a little closer to the Universe. It might deflate their ego when they try to compare it to that massive infinite space.

If you share everything you see, things that make you wonder or things that amaze you, I’m going to urge you to keep one or two of those things for yourself. Keep them close and hold them tight for as long as you can. Trust me, not everybody needs to know everything about you all of the time. You are your own person. If you think about it, it’s like moving in with your mate and giving them everything you own. But you should keep your own toothbrush. And you should have your own side of the bed. And you should close the door (maybe even lock it like I do) when you need to go to the porcelain throne. You don’t need to share everything.
Especially that.

And that story about the deer. I can not confirm or deny that is something that happened to me.
If it did, maybe you needed to hear it.

-Loyd Elmore
December 8th, 2017

 

I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.

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