The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get use to the latter.
EPISODE SEVENTY EIGHT: Walking The Earth In Peace…Or Pieces
Dedicated to a modern day samurai I know…
I’ve been in two fights in my life.
Both when I was a kid. Both in my front yard.
I won one. I lost the other.
The one I won was against two other guys that was a year older than me.
The one I lost was against one guy that was a year older than me…but knew how to fight.
I got a nice shiner with that one.
And it hurt. Bad.
After that, I learned that being funny was much easier than fighting. I still got bullied from time to time but not too much.
(I’ve already talked about these moments so I’ll skip them.)
When I was young, fighting was not my skill. I was rubbish at it. The only reason I won against the two other guys was because they couldn’t fight AT ALL and I went all Wolverine on them. I was so mad, I didn’t care if I got hurt. I went berserk.
But skills? No.
(Why did we get into a fight? I don’t remember. That’s how a lot of fights as a kid go.)
I never was much of a fighter. I’d rather be friends. I’d rather talk and laugh and do fun things together. Having to worry about somebody hating me for something stupid or from jealously is not how I wanted to spend my time.
I worried enough, even then.
Funny thing is, as much as I wasn’t a fighter in real life, I was in my imagination.
I LOVED Kung-Fu movies. Bad voice-over work and all.
After getting my fill of kicks and chops on TV, I would go outside and pretend I was in the movie and make it work the way I wanted. I even learned to do an impression of the off-timed voice-over that I can still do today. I’d try to break a board with a chop (more often bruising my hand) or try to sneak around or climb through a tree like a ninja.
Of course, my ‘Kung-Fu’ sucks. I couldn’t kick over my head or chop with any kind of speed. I looked ludicrous trying to act like I knew what I was doing.
But I didn’t care. In my mind, I was BAD ASS.
Things change from youth to adulthood. I got married (twice) and had a daughter. In my frame of mind, like many other people, I became a defender. A protector. I would fight to my last breath for them and anybody who was in my very inner circle. I would fight tooth and nail if need be and not be concerned with my own well-being.
I wouldn’t change that for the world.
Have I learned to fight since I was a kid? Sort of. I’ve studied on my own and I know a few things that would help but I have something that would make me a damn unstoppable fighting machine.
I have a daughter and a wife.
There are a very few things that I believe in more than myself and fighting for them would take precedence over everything else.
Most parents feel like that. The whole terminology of ‘momma bear’ and ‘papa bear’ protecting their cubs is true. When it comes to their well-being, loving parents would stop at nothing to keep them safe. And I mean NOTHING.
But mostly, instead of trying to be a fighter or a Kung-Fu master or a Ninja, I prefer to think of myself as a Samurai. Someone who serves a high-power and used to create peace and harmony and using force as a last resort. Someone who is smart and uses his intellect and calm demeanor rather than the sword. But it’s there if needed.
One who knows how to fight but doesn’t.
We all need to walk a path of peace. No matter what.
Is it a difficult path? Oh, HELL YES. I will not deny that, ever. And there will be days you want to strap on the swords and cut some heads. I’ve felt it. Sometimes for days on end.
But you can’t.
Like I said, there will days when it will be time to pull the sword and stand your ground or protect what is near and dear to your heart. Say a prayer (if you are one that does) and brace yourself to swing and draw blood.
You can’t live like that everyday. You will do yourself and the ones you love more harm than an onslaught of an opposing army.
I know a guy (well, if you call being a Facebook friend knowing somebody) that has his own martial arts studio. His name is Jason. He’s a tad bit younger than me but is a hundred times more flexible. He teaches martial arts to young kids and does a heck of a job at it. And when I picture a modern day samurai, he is who pops into my head. Calm and patient and would rather talk somebody down than show force.
He’s walking the path of peace.
We can all learn from him. I know I can. There are things I see that make me so angry and the urge to walk up to some of these people and bend their nose for them is sometimes so overwhelming. Of course I don’t but it hangs on to me for a while, I think too much about it and it stresses me out. It even makes me hate.
I, along with many other people, just need to breathe, calm down and make the situation better by talking and reasoning. It won’t work all of the time but it’s all in the attempt.
We lack the trying.
Try everyday to walk the peaceful path.
But keep your sword at your side.
Just in case.
August 4th, 2018
I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.