AMBIENT THOUGHT – EPISODE Sixty Four

The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get use to the latter.

EPISODE SIXTY FOUR: When You Have Eliminated The Emotions…

input-407546

I once saw a stage play on TV when I was a kid. I was a little lost on what was going on but I couldn’t take my eyes away from the screen.

After doing some research, I found out it was based on the story The Strange Case of Alice Faulkner and starred Frank Langella as Sherlock Holmes. It also had Stephen Collins playing a bad guy. It ran for two and a half hours less than a week before Thanksgiving in 1981.

I don’t know if it was considered good or bad but that’s when I fell in love with Sherlock Holmes.

I had seen some of the black and white films on TV of Holmes but they all seemed a bit stiff compared to this version. And in those older films, they never really made mention to his vice, his drug habits. A genius detective who could see clues a mile away but have such weaknesses.

After that, I have read every Sir Conan Doyle story about Sherlock I could get my hands on. Here in the past few years, my need of more has been satisfied with TV shows like the BBC Sherlock, Elementary and the Robert Downey Jr movies. Not to mention a book with every story enclosed inside.

Sherlock is a genius. He can take the littlest thing and make it work for him. He derives all the information he needs to figure out the crime, the motive and the criminal.
But even though he is a high-level thinker, the littlest things elude him. Love, kindness, and emotion are his weaknesses.

I’ll never be that smart. I’ll never be able to look at a crumb on the floor and tell you where it was from and how it was packaged before it was a cracker or a slice of bread. But I’m not stupid. I’ve have never been one to be fooled easily. You can chalk it up to my blessing/curse of overthinking. I think about every possible route and figure out what would be the most reasonable.

People who think like me would make good detectives, I believe.

But living emotionless or think that emotions are useless goes against my way of thinking.

We have emotions to express. I do understand some emotions should be controlled more than others. Hate, anger, and fear are some that need to be controlled. But is it wrong to have them? No. Not at all.
I hate people who abuse children.
People with no common sense or who are rude anger me.
I fear for the well-being of my daughter.

You can understand those.

We are suppose to use all of our emotions. That’s why we have them. Control is important but over-controlling them is wrong.

Maybe your parents didn’t say I love you enough even though they showed it in different ways. You have children of your own and decide it is easier to follow that way of thinking. You give them the world but saying I love you is being too controlled.
In my opinion, that’s wrong. Completely wrong.

I believe in my heart it’s better to say I love you and mean it than to give something material. To give one your whole heart is the greatest thing you can give another. I believe that with my whole heart.

What about hate?

Oh, boy. We see hate everyday. On TV, in the paper, on the internet, right outside our own front door. I have felt it myself. I have felt hate driving in my car (I bet you have, too). I see people driving with such stupidity and rudeness that a thick layer of grey and black hate pours from my mouth as I curse them in the solitude of my vehicle. Sometimes with my wife and daughter in there. It’s not pretty.
But I control myself from careening into these offenders with my rolling weapon of a Honda. Though, I have been tempted. Very, very tempted.

Hate is an emotion that needs to be controlled. There is a need at times to let it out safely. Exercise is good for that. Screaming into a pillow. Or shouting in your car, as long as you don’t lose too much control then lose control of your vehicle and crash.
You must let it out or it will build up inside you and may spill out at the wrong time and in a higher velocity than intended.

It’s hard for me to remain neutral. And with that, I’ll never be a yogi, a samurai, or a Jedi. But I will be human.

I believe life is about balance. You can’t live on one side of the scale at all times. Emotions are part of that.  We are made to feel them all.

I guess that is what made Sherlock such a great detective. He could force out the emotions that can clutter his mind and focus on the littlest clue and decipher their meaning.
It may have been why he took heavy, illicit drugs. They gave him a sense of artificial balance. Too bad there wasn’t the drugs we have today back in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s time like Lexapro, Klonopin, Xanax, Paxil or Valium. Maybe Sherlock would have been more balanced and mellow.
And maybe less of a jerk.

Maybe.

Or he may have taken over the prescribed dosage and been in the same boat or not been able to use his intellect to solve crimes. Hopefully Watson, who was a doctor, would have kept him on the straight and narrow.

Maybe.

Anyway, I hope to be more like Sherlock in his intellect and less like him in his lack of emotions.
And, yes, Sherlock is a work of fiction.
I wish he wasn’t.

-Loyd Elmore
April 7th, 2017

 

I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s