AMBIENT THOUGHT – EPISODE Sixty Three

The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get use to the latter.

EPISODE SIXTY THREE:  Fate vs. Chance

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Why are we here?
What are we here to do?
Is there a reason for our existence or were we created due to a lucky crash of a meteor into another one?

Those are tough questions to answer. You might have an answer if you are religious or lean toward the scientific view.

I have always wondered about these questions. It may have started with seeing Star Wars for the first time. Ever since then, I have always enjoyed looking up into a clear night sky and look at the stars above. Even at that young age, I started to wonder about why we were here on this planet. I started to develop my own theories based on science fiction books and the bible and science shows like Cosmos with Carl Sagan.

Billions and billions…

I loved to go out at night when I was young and lie down in the cool grass of a Summer night and look at those burning points of light and wonder about my theories. I’d also think about those twinkling lights and about how people thousands of years ago looked up the same way I was. What did they think?

A big question we all have asked ourselves at some time, regardless of religious or non-religious feelings…is it fate or chance?

That is a big one, for sure.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about that. The times I think about that the most is when I feel like I need something to happen in my life, when I wonder if this is it.
Am I destined to do what I’m doing now or is there something better or is this life in what I make it and the reason I’m not where I want to be all my fault?

That last part is hard to face and think about.

Is it all my fault I’m somewhere I don’t want to be? If so, how do I get out of it? What do I do?

I’m sure, somewhere in your life, you thought the same thing.

I may be wrong here but here we go:
I believe that when people believe in God or some sort of higher power, they believe that things are fate. They are destined to be on a certain path in life and the things that come along were suppose to happen. Destiny.
Then the people that don’t believe in any higher power think it’s all up for grabs. You get out of life what you put in it. If something happens that changes your fortune, it’s coincidence. Nothing more, nothing less.

After many years of thinking on this subject, I’m going to agree with Forrest Gump.
I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze.  But I think maybe it’s both.  Maybe both are happening at the same time.”

Like I’ve said before, I believe in God. But I think that fate and chance happen at the same time.
I believe there are certain points in your life that you are suppose to hit. What those are, I suppose, is different for everybody. But the space between those points are open. Even though we move toward the next point, to get there are different paths and roads. Some of those smooth, some are rocky.

Not everybody is going to believe that or think I’m crazy. Maybe I am.
But I have had experiences in my life that could argue the point.

How can I prove that?

Well, I can’t. Not with a shred of evidence. All I can say is there have been moments in my life that just felt right. Moments that have happened along the way that I knew was suppose to happen. You would think they were all good moments. You’d be wrong.
Believe it or not, those bad moments led to good ones.

I met a woman, whom I married. We’re we right for each other? No. I was intimidated by her. I felt she was above me. It didn’t last.
But we brought a wonderful girl into the world. A girl I would die for with no hesitation.

I met another woman. Things happened quick and I got scared. I broke it off. On Valentines Day. Like the world’s biggest jerk.
But a group e-mail she sent ‘accidentally’  had my name on it a few months later and we reconnected. We’ve been happily married for almost ten years. Another person in this world I would die for with no hesitation.

Two moments in time that I felt I was destined to get to. But the moments in between were undetermined.
I was suppose to have my daughter with her mother.
I was suppose to marry the love of my life and fate put us back together.

There are other points but those are for another time.

Some of you will laugh at me or just shake your head as if I was a silly kid.

I believe it, though. It’s true and I’m not ashamed to admit it. There are stages of destiny in our lives among the chaos and chance. Some of them are bad and some are good. One will lead to another and so on and so on.

The space between is up to us. We have a choice to make them how we want them.
And we have to keep our eyes open. If we look hard enough, we can see those fateful moments before they come. Most, anyway. We have to see them for what they are, the good or the bad.

And we have to remember the next moment of fate is ahead, the next life-altering thing.

Welcome it.
Regardless.

-Loyd Elmore
March 31st, 2017

 

I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.

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