The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get use to the latter.



Once upon a time it was safe to keep the doors unlocked at night. It was safe for your kids to play in the neighborhood all day until the street lights came on without worrying. Parents would watch out for the well being of kids that were not there own if they played in their yard with their kids.
It was safe.

It’s not now.

Most parents now don’t want their kids out of their eyesight for more than two seconds. Kids have to go though a safety check, a written sworn statement and have it notarized just to spend time over at another kids house for an afternoon.

We live in a time where there are some places that you’ll hear a gunshot everyday and react like it’s a normal thing. We’re scared to have our kids walk home from school or just down the block from fear of somebody kidnapping them or hurting them. Even school isn’t as safe as it use to be with kids bringing guns to school or somebody coming into the school and shooting it up along with the children.

And we live with this image on TV everyday. Terrorist, not just a world away but in our own back yard. Homemade bombs in New York and New Jersey, people going on shooting sprees in malls and movie theaters and city streets and neighborhoods.

It feels it’s got worse ever since the nineties. I feel like more people have become ‘unhinged’.


My honest answer…I don’t know.

It just seems to be the world we live in now. People have to have their head on a swivel if they go ANYWHERE. It doesn’t matter if it’s at night and you’re by yourself, it can happen in broad daylight on a beautiful day and in a place where there are lots of people. Now, it seems more likely to happen in a place like that than to a solitary person.

How does one feel safe anymore? How does one tell their children to not be afraid?

I worry about it. I worry that I could be somewhere with my wife and daughter and somebody decides to kill in the name of this or that and we just happen to be next to this ‘person’ when they decide the time is right to do so. I don’t worry about it so much when I’m by myself. As long as they are safe.
To see that fear in their eyes would kill me. Maybe they would look at me and wonder why I couldn’t keep them from this.

Yes, I worry. It’s not just happening in big cities. It’s happening in smaller ones, ones that were thought of as close-nit where everybody knew each other. Or thought they did. Maybe it’s some kid that felt like they weren’t loved enough or they have some diagnosed sickness that the parents noticed but thought it was just a phase. Or some person that got laid off  from their job or their spouse left them and wanted to inflect the pain their feeling onto others, innocent others.
You see it happen just like this. Life has become less important. Sympathy is in less abundance than ever before. The human life costs less in some peoples eyes.
Even a child’s life.

THIS is what I can’t get my head around the most. Like when a parent leaves their child in a hot car ALL DAY. Forget keys, I understand that. Leave a purse, yep. Leave a wallet, I’ve done it.
But your child.
Your child.
I know it happens but the excuses I hear are so unbelievable it disturbs me.

Terror isn’t just brought to us from terrorists. Oh, no. We get terror from people in our own hometown. The drug dealers, the gang members, the people with an ax to grind, even from bad apples in a life protecting profession.

I like the police. I support them completely.
But…just like every group, every organization in the world, there are going to be those inside these organizations that are bad apples. They use their influences and their power for all the wrong reasons. We see those bad apples in the media and some believe it’s most or all that they represent. But if we turn that same saying to a group they are, if by choice or not, people get insulted.

Maybe we are all expecting the worse in each other. We see anybody on the street that we don’t know and they are an automatic threat. I’m guilty of this. It doesn’t matter what they look like or who they are, in my minds eye, they have a scope symbol on their forehead like I’m the Terminator.
And I know I am, by far, not the only one who does that.

It’s sad that we have become a society that thinks and behaves that way.
Being cautious is one thing but just plain fearful of another human being is something else.

I’m sure there is a root cause why we have bombs in the streets waiting to detonate to kill people.
I’m sure there is a root cause why people find it so easy to end a life when it doesn’t call for it.
I’m sure there is a root cause why a child’s life is forgettable or their life means nothing to some.

But as for that root cause…I have no idea. And if I did, I don’t think I could understand it.

I want to go back to a world when a child could play all day outside and you didn’t really worry too much about them, a time where they could explore and and feel safe, at least in their own neighborhood where everybody looked after each other.

It would be great if the world could be like that neighborhood.
Maybe one day…

But probably not…

-Loyd Elmore
January 13th 2017


I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.


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