The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get use to the latter.
EPISODE FORTY THREE: I’ll Give You Something To Cry About!!!
Do you know somebody who seems sensitive? A person that cries at sweet, sappy movies or cries at sweet, sappy books or cries at sweet, sappy commercials? How about when their children tell them, out of the blue, that they love them? Or when they see a sweet kitten or puppy and they do the sweetest thing? Do you know anybody like that? Hum?
Of course you do. You might even be one of those people.
I’m one of those people.
I always have been. Seems like I was watching a movie when I was really young that I cried at. I’m wanting to say it was a Martin and Lewis movie where Jerry Lewis was a clown (NO. Not THAT movie) and there was a little kid Jerry was trying to cheer up and the only way he could get him to laugh was to cry for him. What a brat?! But that scene of him helping that child cheer up made me cry.
It seems like I have always cried.
It’s one of those emotions that people take for granted. We are taught it’s alright to feel joy and fear. To be angry is acceptable for the right reasons. Surprise, trust, disgust, anticipation and sadness are all fine. Even all of the subcategories that comes along with each one of those.
But crying as a result of any of them, you are looked at weird. Or you’re even scolded as or like a child.
“What are you crying for?”
“I’ll give you something to cry about!”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“It can’t be that bad.”
As a child, I didn’t understand why I cried at sappy movies. I remember watching for the first time, Where The Red Fern Grows. It was either in the seventh or the eighth grade. At the end of it, my eyes were watering. I was so sad. I did my best to hide the fact I was crying. I was thankful the lights were off and I could wipe my eyes. I knew they were red, too, so I tried not to look anybody in the face. I couldn’t control the tears. And throughout that day, I would keep thinking about the film and there I’d go again.
That has happened to me all my life. I would be around other people, I would see something sad or absolutely beautiful and… a river of tears. And trying to hide the fact you are is so damn stressful. And just trying to hold back the tears will give you such a headache. It does that to me, anyway.
Why do we shun people who are crying? Is it something built in to us that we feel like we must stop them from doing so. From telling them to ‘don’t cry’ in a sweet voice to ‘what are you crying about’ in a confused tone to a full fledged threat, ‘stop crying!’
Or they make fun of you. Sometimes it’s in a ‘nice’ way and other times it’s just to make you feel bad, to embarrass you into stopping.
“HAHA, look at the cry baby!!!”
Well, that way hasn’t happened in a long time. Most of the time, it’s looks of ‘what-kind-of-monster-is-that’?
It’s not as bad as it use to be. It’s more acceptable to cry in public. But I have allowed myself to cry if I need to. And I have sat down with my daughter and told her the same thing. It’s a natural result of emotions. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you stronger. And tougher. It shows you aren’t afraid to do it when you need to. It’s healthy.
And it is. It’s very healthy. It helps to cry when you’re sad and happy and frustrated and angry. It’s healthy to cry…just because you can. It’s like airing out your soul. It’s an emotional release that we all need. Maybe if people cried more, to give that release, we would have less problems in the world.
If I could give you some advice, I would give this to you (if you don’t already follow it), tell your children, no matter how old they are, that it is OK to cry. Crying doesn’t make you less human but more human. It makes you more complete. It will give you a connection to this planet and everybody living on it. It will help you see things much clearer.
Crying shows the love you have in your heart. Even when things make you mad and angry and you cry. It is you wanting for whatever is wrong to be fixed and set back right.
I don’t regret being a ‘cry baby’. It’s good for the soul. I have cried from loving somebody so deeply that when I think about them in my life, it ached.
I have cried from missing somebody so badly that it felt like I could make the universe quake.
I have cried from seeing so much hate that I wanted those to feel the mental anguish I was feeling.
And I have cried for being so thankful I’m living in this world with the people I love and care about.
Yeah, I’m a cry baby. I always will be. It’s taken me a few years but I finally found peace in being one.
I don’t want it any other way.
I might just go cry about it.
Nov. 4th 2016
I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.