The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get use to the latter.


Episode 24 this one


Around the age of fourteen, I taught myself how to juggle. I recorded this guy on my VCR that was juggling and I watched it over and over. I gathered some tennis balls and practiced and practiced. And, finale, after a couple of days, I got the hang of it.
I even learned a few tricks.

Cut to today.

I can still juggle. I can still do the same tricks. But nothing more.

Or so I thought…

I have been a juggling idiot for my whole life.

I have juggled various things in my life at the same time. Jobs, friendships, family, loves, passions, health, duties, etc. And there have been times I have done well.
And there have been times I have dropped all the balls. I stood there, looking at them on the floor, wondering what the hell to do now.
Slowly, I’d pick up the important ones and start all over again. And one by one, I’d add more and put them in the air. I’d drop one and pick up another, trying to keep them flying from one hand to another.

I guess we all feel that way from time to time. Some days are easier than others. Whatever we’re juggling stays flying nearly effortless. Then some days we’re lucky to keep one in the air without mishandling it.

I personally try and do too much at times. And I want to get things done fast with as little problems as possible. I mean, who doesn’t? But I’m learning as I get older that sometimes more is not better. And the ones flying around your head better be worth the time.

None of us are immune to juggling. If you have a family, friends, a job, bills, debts…you juggle.

Now here is a question I have asked myself for years and didn’t find out the answer until this year. Maybe you’ve asked yourself the same thing:
How do I stop juggling?
Answer: You can’t………. And, you shouldn’t.

We have to juggle. But must remember to keep the important things in the air and when you’re comfortable with those, throw up another thing. See how that feels. If all is grand and you don’t feel like pulling your hair out, try something else.
The important thing is to not put more than you can handle. People (I’m talking to myself) have a tendency to take in more than they should. We think we can handle and for a short time, we might. But, they will start to fall, one by one.

What do you do if you have too much in the air and they need to stay where they are? Remember those family and friends I mentioned earlier? Ask for help. Sometimes other people can help you keep those things up for a while until they get sorted out and can be laid down again.


As I said at the beginning, after three decades of juggling three objects, I’m going to teach myself how to juggle four. It’ll take a while to get the timing down (and to juggle two things in my left hand) but it’ll happen.

If only juggling things in life was as easy as juggling objects….

-Loyd Elmore

August, 26 2016


I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.


One thought on “AMBIENT THOUGHT – EPISODE Twenty Four

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