The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get use to the latter.

episode 21 create destroy_edited-1 copy

When I was a kid, I loved to copy my dad. The word idolize comes to mind.

One of the things my dad did was fix televisions. Not like the ones we have today but big, bulky TV’s that ran on tubes and not microchips. I would go with him down the to local Super X drug store where they had a tube tester to see if they were good or not. I loved the way they would glow when they did work.

If my dad ran into a TV that he couldn’t fix, he’d let me take a crack at it. I knew there was no way I was going to fix it but I loved to take the ‘guts’ apart and look at each piece. Some were really cool and looked unworldly to me. But my major mission was to find the magnets that would be around the end of the huge picture tube. I was Indy (before I knew who Indy was) and the magnets was my Ark.

Because of my dad letting me take apart those broken TV, I developed a love of taking things apart to see how they worked and putting them back together. Most of the time, I could.

I wished I had a dollar for every time I heard my dad say “What are you tearing up now?” Not tearing up like crying (even though I did and do plenty of that), but tearing up as in taking things apart and making them into pieces.
I would say I’m not tearing up anything. That was true most of the time.
But because of my father, I developed a love of taking things apart. And a love for fixing things.

Now, with that said, let me run something by you.

Let’s say I give you a hammer. Nothing special, just a good, durable hammer.
Now, with that hammer, you have a choice. You can create/fix or you can destroy.
What do you do?

There have been a lot of moments in my life where I have asked myself that very question. Do I fix a situation or do I destroy it or make it worse. Sometimes that’s a hard question to answer. I have always tried to create, to fix. In that process, there have been times I have ruined it.

Fixing can be difficult. Like when you hold two things together so you can nail them. If you don’t have help (another set of hands, clamps, etc.) the two things could slip and slide around and if you are lucky enough to get them together, they may not be square.

That hammer in your hand has a lot of power. It’s a bit like Thor’s hammer. It can weld the power of the Universe, if you allow it. And we can all use it in a proper way.

Some people find it easier to use that hammer to destroy. That’s because it is. You can take that hammer to tear down your beliefs, your loves, your passions. And you can use it to destroy the beliefs and loves and passions of the people you love and care about. It could be piece by piece or you could just go through them like a hammer welding maniac.

That hammer can weld a lot of weight.

What will you do with it?

I will try to do the right thing. That’s all I can promise.

But I bet I’ll hit my thumb every once in a while….

-Loyd Elmore

July 24th, 2016


I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.

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