AMBIENT THOUGHT – Episode Thirteen

The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get use to the latter.



I’m not sure when I became one of those people who got their hopes high all of the time. I’m not sure if it happened when I was a kid or it developed over time as I’ve got older.

Getting your hopes up can be a sweet wonderful thing when it turns out that whatever you were hoping for becomes true. And it can be such a let down and a soul crusher when it doesn’t happen. You put too much stock in it and it can level you.

I think of getting your hopes high is in the same realm as gambling when you are relying on someone else to make things happen. There re those that are considered safe bets. These are the ones that rarely let you down and if they do, you know they tried their hardest to make it happen and knowing this makes the disappointment easier.
Then there are people you rely on that are long shots. Odds are they are going to let you down. But you have to bet on them because they are the only ones that can make wherever you need to happen happen.

I know I’m not the only one who gets their hopes up. We all do. And I think most people do it at a normal level. If we get disappointed, it doesn’t last long and maybe we find another way to make it happen.

But their are some that get their hopes up all of the time and rely on everybody else without seeing if they can do it themselves. The they keep relying on those people to do something that they never try to do themselves.
I mean, I’m not against a help up from time to time but a handout all of the time is a bad thing. They never learn to rely on themselves.

Sorry. I’m getting off topic. This is suppose to be about my problems, not bringing up other people’s problems.

Or is it?

I try my best to do things myself because as the old saying goes, if you want something done right, do it yourself.
I wish that was true all of the time. I have screwed many things up because I did it myself and I didn’t ask for any help when I truly needed it. But I did learn to do it. And if I didn’t, I would humbly go to someone who did.

I guess the important thing to take from this is it’s alright to get your hopes up when it’s coming from a trusted source. But you must be prepared that it may not work out.
Another old saying comes to mind…Hope for the best, expect the worst.
That is the true saying to live by.

So, I probably will never stop getting my hopes up. I’ve developed a layer of callused skin on my heart from being let down. When things fail, you must go on.

And never stop hoping…

-Loyd Elmore

May 30th, 2016

I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.

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