AMBIENT THOUGHT – Episode Seven

The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get use to the latter.

Episode Seven:  Tell Us A Joke, Kid!

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When I was a kid, I use to get a catalog from Johnson Smith Company called Things You Never Knew Existed. I would comb the pages for prank and joke products that I might be able to use. I spent a lot of allowance money from those pages. From a joy buzzer to a Venus Fly Trap to a can of peanut brittle with spring filled snakes inside.

Why?

To make friends, of course. I wanted to be the class clown. I wanted to be quick witted and the guy that could make anybody laugh.

And it was a way to defuse a situation.

Believe it or not, before I was in the third grade, I was a little guy. I was thin, short and I was shy. Really, really shy. And sometime in the third grade, I wanted to be more. I wasn’t tough so being a sports guy was out. I wasn’t a genius (not like now, HAHA) so hanging out with the smart kids was out. My family wasn’t rich so….well…you get it.
But I loved trying to make people laugh. It was the one thing I was pretty good at. Doing voices came in handy and having a joke for certain situations helped me make friends and helped me get out of being bullied…most of the time.

All through school, even in high school, I wanted to be that guy. There was always somebody funnier or somebody who didn’t think I was funny at all. But it didn’t matter. There was somebody that would laugh at my stupid jokes.

Now that I’m older, I still try and do it, even though I feel like it less and less. Things aren’t as funny as they use to be. Over the years, I’ve learned to be quick witted to help overcome the shyness that still lurks inside. It’s almost like it’s a default setting. When I get nervous or when I don’t know what to say, I try to think of something to make somebody or just me smile.

Maybe it’s a product of having depression. Not that I consider myself a comedian but odds are, if somebody use jokes a lot, they are battling something. Making jokes was a way to be accepted. It was a way to feel less scared. It still is.

In case you didn’t know, the picture above is the actually can of peanut brittle with the snakes with springs inside. I still have it and it still works after 35 years. But nobody thinks it’s funny anymore. The cats run from it and the dog wants to attack it.
But humans? Nope. Not funny.

But I keep it to remember where I came from. I was that once shy little kid that wanted to feel a little less alone in the world. I wanted to be accepted and enveloped by people.
In my own introverted way, I still do.

-Loyd Elmore

April 21st 2016

I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.

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