The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get use to the latter.
Episode Six: Wheels In My Brain Go ‘Round And ‘Round
Just like now, when I was a kid, I had more than one project going at the same time. I’d go from to another to another to another for days. And when I’d finish one, even though I had other projects unfinished, I’d start another to fill in the empty place.
And I still do that but now, I have a habit of starting too many and spreading myself too thin. Whether it’s reading a book, writing a blog, making a paracord bracelet (look it up), planning a short film, watching a show/movie or a handful of other things, I try to squeeze in too many things at once. And there are times I just sit around thinking about new projects.
I think it’s because my brain doesn’t know how to relax. The wheels keep turning even when the driver has left the car.
Oh, man. That sounds crazy.
Like me, I bet you remember a time when you just laid down in the grass somewhere and looked up at the clouds above. Either they moved slow or speed past and worries that you had went with them. For a while, at least. Odds are, it was when you were a kid when worries were few and far between.
I’d like to do that again. Every once in a while, that would really be nice. Maybe the wheels would slow a bit and let me take a deep breath and forget about things.
I guess it wouldn’t last long. Projects that I need to do would come flooding back. Deadlines and responsibilities would come out of the corners where they shied into.
Some people, their wheels never stop turning. They are always running at full speed.
I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I have an occasional good idea and if it wasn’t for those wheels chugging along, I wouldn’t have had it. It’s getting them to slow that’s the hard part. And when it’s the worse, those clacking wheels are loudest at night. Lying awake, hearing everything, trying to find a solution to a problem or problems.
What to do?
Finding peace is the overall solution. Learning to tune out those wheels from time to time is the key. Vacations, massages, a night out, a good book, listening to music, lying in bed with the covers over your head, even a good movie along with other things help.
Some try alcohol. Some people try drugs, some good, some bad, to slow those wheels. It can help…or make it a lot worse.
So, again…what to do? How do you find peace when it’s at its worse?
I’m not sure. I think it comes down to finding a few moments at a time. A few moments of deep breathing. Maybe in those moments you can, I can, keep the wheels of the mind from running into a ditch.
The wheels were running as I wrote and I think I was all over the road with this one. But you get the idea.
Moments. Little moments of peace. Maybe they will lead to longer moments.
And to be honest, I hope the wheels never stop for good. How boring would that be?
April 15th, 2016
I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.