The following and all of the other episodes to come are snapshots of what goes on in my head, now and in the past. There are times none of this will make sense. There will be times when I might get lucky and the blog I post will be well constructed and will flow like a mountain stream to an awaiting lake below. Other times it will seem like the ramblings of a madman and you’ll ask yourself, “What the……?”
You should probably get use to the latter.
Episode Four: Get Away From That! I’ll Fix it!!!!
In the 1970’s, my dad fixed TV’s as a hobby. I would go down to the store with him where they had a tube tester and I’d wait very impatiently as he tested one right after another. I discovered that I liked to ‘try’ and fix things because of him.
To be honest, it was more taking things apart and looking at all of the parts as individuals and never really putting them back together again. But as time went on, I was able to put it all together again and get it to work.
As I got older, I got pretty good at fixing things. From vacuums, lawnmowers, VCR’s, certain car parts, toys, furniture, etc.
And I tried fixing other things, too. Like emotions. Not mine but others.
Tried is the important word in that line.
I always hated to know somebody I cared about was hurting. And I always wanted to fix it.
Even now, my wife or daughter or one of my friends have a problem and I MUST fit it. I rack my brain on how I make things better.
Sometimes you can. And it makes me feel wonderful.
Sometimes, unfortunately, you can’t. It’s not something I can do or know how to do.
And it kills me to see somebody hurting and wanting to make everything alright can be overwhelming.
I still deal with it but this is something I am finally starting to curve. I have realized that you can’t fix others people’s problems all of the time. I’m learning you must be patient, not just with your own problems but with others. You have to allow other people to try and fix their own before you think about acting. And if they come to you and need to talk, then listen. Just listen. And you may want to give advice.
Wait. Let them ask you first.
Maybe it has to do with being a father. Maybe it has to do with wanting to be in control because I want something done a certain way, even how others deal with their own problems.
I must learn to let go.
This is something I need to keep learning and re-learn.
But Mr. Fix-It will be here, if needed, working on his own problems.
– Loyd Elmore
April 7th – 9th 2016
I’ve decided to keep a blog about how I’m dealing with depression. I’m going to consider this a form of therapy. It might not help anybody else but it might help me.